I like me. I dont care if you don't. But perhaps I will like me even more if I had remembered what I wanted to be'. i will perhaps like me even more if I had become interesting.
But I did not. Maybe there will be a U-turn at some point. But for now, I am still a fine still life (although a tad boring).
Good night and good bye.
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
When I Grow Up...
... I Will Be Different.
Met Noi for dinner today. We are always fantastically in sync doing the impromptu thing.
Friends are like mirrors. Good time friends are like the mirrors at fancy stores- you'll always look fabulous and you will buy in to all the ego boosting crap, which really is not half bad till you are out in the light and it seems somewhat disappointing. Uneven mirrors are the friends that let you down, make you feel awful all the time, drag you down under the water....all zits are boils and pores are craters.
Real friends are the truth revealing mirrors you rely on to put on your morning make up. Noi is like a truth mirror to me. Looking into the truth mirror today, I saw what was just beneath my make up. A smudge barely visible but a smudge nevertheless...
I never knew why there are sudden moments when a thought would flitter just at the edge of my conciousness and I feel like I have taken a road I do not recognise. I always tell myself it is okay, especially since it is a nice road and I know it leads to the nice field ahead, so I am not completely at lost. But it doesn't excite me. Everything seems pretty and pretty boring. I feel like I am equally boring. A decent still life painting of a vase of flowers boring.
Noi put it down so simply....It is not what you are doing..It is....well..you are not the person you wanted to be.
I am not the person I wanted to be. Revealation!
Awesomely positive person that I am... I have never doubted I am okay and am doing okay and will do okay. So I have become well...OK. I am not sure if okay is good enough but it sure is boring to be just OKAY. I suppose the real Oaky does not want to be just OKAY. I probably need to get a name change.
I have forgotten what I wanted to be as a child but I suppose I wanted to be different from what I have eventually become. How do I even put it down in words... I suppose I wanted to be interesting... to be intelligent, talented and quirky.. I suppose I wanted to be a Salvador Dali...without the dying lonely part.
Met Noi for dinner today. We are always fantastically in sync doing the impromptu thing.
Friends are like mirrors. Good time friends are like the mirrors at fancy stores- you'll always look fabulous and you will buy in to all the ego boosting crap, which really is not half bad till you are out in the light and it seems somewhat disappointing. Uneven mirrors are the friends that let you down, make you feel awful all the time, drag you down under the water....all zits are boils and pores are craters.
Real friends are the truth revealing mirrors you rely on to put on your morning make up. Noi is like a truth mirror to me. Looking into the truth mirror today, I saw what was just beneath my make up. A smudge barely visible but a smudge nevertheless...
I never knew why there are sudden moments when a thought would flitter just at the edge of my conciousness and I feel like I have taken a road I do not recognise. I always tell myself it is okay, especially since it is a nice road and I know it leads to the nice field ahead, so I am not completely at lost. But it doesn't excite me. Everything seems pretty and pretty boring. I feel like I am equally boring. A decent still life painting of a vase of flowers boring.
Noi put it down so simply....It is not what you are doing..It is....well..you are not the person you wanted to be.
I am not the person I wanted to be. Revealation!
Awesomely positive person that I am... I have never doubted I am okay and am doing okay and will do okay. So I have become well...OK. I am not sure if okay is good enough but it sure is boring to be just OKAY. I suppose the real Oaky does not want to be just OKAY. I probably need to get a name change.
I have forgotten what I wanted to be as a child but I suppose I wanted to be different from what I have eventually become. How do I even put it down in words... I suppose I wanted to be interesting... to be intelligent, talented and quirky.. I suppose I wanted to be a Salvador Dali...without the dying lonely part.
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