Mothering

It is a topic that I will have to think about sooner or later. Not because I'm feeling especially clucky, but rather because I'm at the expected biological age, in this society anyway. So it is with little coincidence that I'm surrounded by a bevy of new mothers. This year alone the tally is at 4 or is it 5? It is a lovely feeling, meeting these fresh faces, little fingers and toes. Even the smell a top their miniature heads remind me of soft linens and care bear clouds...very nice indeed. Yes it is wonderful being surrounded by these warm little bellies and elven gurgling. And it is even more wonderful that I leave them with their mothers and go back home to my own furry balls of endless joy. I am relief to be spared the barely dawn milk sucklers, to be spared the wrath of a tiny human with needs greater than my own. A child will be a mini me. And one of me is puzzling enough.

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The topic of being a good mother presented itself today. Now this isn't really my area of expertise, but if I was qualified I will want to say this...(I think it is all the same for fathers too)

What is a good mother? A mother is unique to her children. She is their finger print. A good mother may not produce good children. She raises well adjusted ones.

We are not all born to have nurturing qualities expectant of a parent, but sometimes we do become one. What happens then?

A good mother tries to communicate with her child. Be it 2, 15, 20 years of age... if you can communicate with your child, you will understand better what they need. Remember that they are another being altogether. Why feel guilty for not being able to read them? They are just another human being, with their own uniqueness. Feel guilty if you don't take time to understand their individual needs. A good mother listens (to her children), even if she is by far the worse listener. And if they have yet to speak? Actions are often louder than words. (I got this from taking time to understand what Xann wants and it is very rewarding!) Patience.

A good mother is an influence on her child. Your little human bean relies you as the very first basic example. They may like or dislike your ways but there will always be a slight imprint of you in them, and it may not be just your nose! It can be your beliefs or how you speak to strangers or simply the way you cut your capsicums. You never know what their little bean brains are picking up.

(Stopped to watch TV with Del. Very important routine- Monday nights 30 Rock and Torchwood.)

A good mother love unconditionally. You may not like the way they chew their nails. You may resent their partners or the way they insist upon one hapless job after another. But you care for them nevertheless and you never criticize their choices in life before you learn to understand why they were made. When the time comes for you to admit that you don't understand those decisions, you agree to disagree.

A good mother recognizes the essential best for their child is health and happiness as it is the basic necessity for any human being. As a good mother, you know you are good when your child seek you out specifically, for comfort, for affirmation, for a listening ear, even when they are a full grown bean.

A good mother doesn't shield their child from the harsh realities of life, but equips them with the capabilities to deal with terrors and disappointments. A good mother is a best friend who can frankly point out the child's disabilities but can give unwavering support in that same instance. Assurance.

A good mother does not stop being a human being with her own set of needs and her own set of weaknesses. A mother is just a grown up human bean doing the best for her child. A human bean that was once a small bean. A unique bean.

But I am not a mother, and I am not qualified to actually make these statements. But when I do become one, it will be wonderful to be even half what my mother is.

I will be having dinner with her tomorrow. I am excited!


(I've lost my train of thought when watching TV. Torchwood Ep 8 or 9 - very good episode! Now I'm tired. Bedtime.)